This post discusses the events that took place before chapter 11 (at the END of chapter 10) in The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Make sure you’re all caught up!
The Fault in Our Stars Halfway Point Book Discussion
First on the reading list for the month is one of the most popular love stories I know, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Now I know what you’re thinking: “How have you not read The Fault in Our Stars yet?”
The Fault in Our Stars was published in 2012, then a film based on the book was released in 2014. The novel won multiple awards.
Chances are you’ve already read this book, or at the very least heard a lot about it. I’m in that category of people who has heard many great things about the novel, and it’s only now, many years later that I decided to give the book a read.
Right now I am at what I will call the halfway point of the book, the climax where Augustus finally confesses to Hazel about his feelings. First, let’s go over what we just read at the end of chapter 10.
Ouch! Why Hazel Can’t Reciprocate Augustus’ Feelings
At the end of chapter 10, Augustus confesses his love for the one and only Hazel Grace. On the airplane trip to Amsterdam he expresses his most inner feelings towards her.
For such a powerful confession, Hazel doesn’t say anything back, but instead leaves him to doze off on the window beside him, sinking deeply into his own thoughts. Hazel explains she was “drowning in this weirdly painful joy” upon hearing his confession, but she couldn’t say it back. It feels like a bittersweet moment for the readers who are rooting for them to form a deep connection.
If anything, it’s certain by the end of chapter 10 that Hazel is not in the same place as Augustus who is so easily able to confess his love for her. Let’s take a look at what we already know about Hazel‘s worldview to help us understand why.
1. She Already Accepted her Fate of Eventual Death
Hazel has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Her fate of death is set in stone, and it’s arriving very soon.
Throughout the story, she appears to be most focused on how to cope with the knowledge that she will eventually die. She surrounds herself with philosophies exploring the topic of death. This is why she so easily connects with the book, An Imperial Affliction written by Peter Van Houten. As she puts it, “Peter Van Houten was the only person I’d come across who’s seemed to (a) understand what it’s like to be dying, and (b) not have died.”
She is desperately searching for answers on what it means to be dying. So far, she learned that there would come a time when everyone dies. She does not fear death or oblivion. She learned long ago how to embrace the inevitable.
What I find most interesting about Hazel is that she looks at concrete facts to decide one’s fate, despite the fact that the Phalanxifor treatment that saved her life was successful on a mere 30% of the patients who used it. The odds were never in her favor, yet she made it.
2. She feels like a “Grenade”
Hazel is a natural people pleaser (and not necessarily in a bad way).
As early as chapter 1, Hazel admits she does things she doesn’t want to, only to make other people happy. This includes attending the Support Group to keep her mom happy.
As someone who wants to keep everyone happy, she feels guilty that her illness will inevitably hurt the people who care about her most. She refers to herself as a grenade waiting to go off. The grenade that will explode and hurt everything it’s ever touched.
It’s almost as if her only purpose is to bring pain to the people around her. She believes her final impact on this earth is to hurt those around her, when really it shouldn’t be. It’s an unfair way to think.
Perhaps she will come to realize that she brought so much more than sadness to her loved ones. She does not need to be the likes of Aristotle or Cleopatra in order to be worthy of remembrance. Nor should her cancer be the only thing she is remembered for. While coping with her illness is an honorable thing, she deserves to be remembered for so much more than this.
3. She Believes that Nothing Truly Matters in the End
Hazel has not only come to terms with the fact that she will die soon, but she has also accepted that everyone will eventually die.
When Augustus admits to the Support Group that he fears oblivion, Hazel responds by saying:
“There will come a time when all of us are dead. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught.” – John Green
If there’ll come a time when all humans die, and all memories of people will be erased, then what truly matters? Nothing matters, at least to her.
She already accepted that she will die soon. So rather than living her life to the fullest, she dedicates her life to hurting the least amount of people possible.
Hazel ignores her own needs and opts out to leave the smallest impact on earth as possible. After all, anything good she has ever done will not be remembered when everything is said and done. She strives to hurt the least amount of people she can as her final impact. It’s a tragic way to view her life.
Why her Trip to Amsterdam will be so Important
Hazel and Augustus’ trip to Amsterdam will be important because it’ll help Hazel get to the same place Augustus emotionally.
Hazel resonates deeply with An Imperial Affliction because it presents a realistic sense of what it feels like to be dying, instead of being an overly positive storyline about the main character doing something extraordinary. It ends in the middle of a sentence, representing how the main character suddenly died, her life a cliffhanger. Although this shows the harsh reality of what dying is like, there are still questions Hazel longs to be answered.
This is why I am very excited to see what Hazel learns when she meets the Peter Van Houten. Perhaps when she gets the ending to the story she never had, it will change her perspective on life and allow her to fall deep into the affections of Augustus without feeling guilty. Or maybe we will be surprised and he won’t have all the answers she is looking for.
Either way, I think the trip to Amsterdam will give Hazel the courage and resolve to fall in love with Augustus mindlessly.
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